Who better to teach us about the Creator of the universe than a newborn baby? There is no one better because there is no one more pure, completely untouched by the cares or dirt of the world. I think a child is the closest thing to an angel that we will behold until we stand with Jesus in heaven.
My little angel began teaching me about the Father we share very early on. Among his many cute quirks, he loves light. It’s almost like he craves it! When he was brand new, we could walk into any room & he would automatically search for a light source, especially natural light. If he was fussy, all I had to do was walk over to the picture window in our living room & he would stare serenely, almost expectantly at the beauty that light brought. He was like a little sunflower, always looking toward the light.
In those first few days of motherhood, I struggled with finding my emotional footing. I would try to pray, but couldn’t find the words. Then my spirit heard these words as I watched my little angel look out the picture window – “Just look for the light.” He couldn’t see more than a few inches in front of his face. He couldn’t see color or contrast. But he could see the light & he could see me as I leaned in to kiss his cheek. I was in the same place, unable to see too far in front of me & everything was a little blurred. I needed to look for the light, the only thing that was clear. And I needed to look for my Father as He leaned in close to me. I didn’t need to look far because I know He is always near. I just needed to focus…
Light. I am the Light of the world. Her candle goeth not out by night. A city on a hill. Let your light so shine. The Father of lights. No variableness, neither shadow of turning.
For me, the light came from scripture. As His never-changing words penetrated the darkness, a light was shown & I was able to name the fear & the guilt that was pressing me. And with time I was able to give it to God. Each time my son looked for the light, I did too. My little sunflower was leading me back to the Rock that was higher than I. The secret place of the Most High, the shadow of the Almighty. I began to feel His presence, like soft kisses on my cheek.
This is an excerpt from my journal a month after Baby J was born:
I call him my Little Sunflower; he always finds the light in the room & fixes his eyes on it. He calms when we walk by the window or the Christmas lights, staring at the light with a thoughtful look like he is learning something. He reminds me that there is a Light upon which I should fix my eyes when my heart is crying. Oh, what I could learn by fixing my eyes on the Light, just like my Little Sunflower.
It’s a funny coincidence that Baby J’s favorite song to sing is This Little Light of Mine. He loves to grab the light (my finger) & anticipates when I’m about to “blow it out,” which leads to uncontainable joy! What if we all spent more time looking at the light through the eyes of our little ones? What if we saw beauty as purely as they do? What if we found joy in the songs they love?
This little light of mine, I’m gonna let it shine, let it shine, let it shine, let it shine
Hide it under a bushel, NO! I’m gonna let it shine, let it shine, let it shine, let it shine
Don’t let Satan *poof* it out, I’m gonna let it shine, let it shine, let it shine, let it shine
Let it shine til Jesus comes, I’m gonna let it shine, let it shine, let it shine, let it shine